Our culture is hugely confused about marriage, its importance and significance, exclusivity and accountability, permanence and purpose. The institution of marriage is often treated today as something with which to play, like a board game that can be briefly enjoyed and then discarded if broken or replaced if old. It’s treated like something to ignore, like a war monument commemorating something important but treated as archaic and impractical. Or, it’s treated like a pest, an oppressive invention of primitive generations that must be exterminated. Our culture is increasingly unclear about marriage because it increasingly rejects the God who created it. But this degradation shouldn’t happen in the church, amidst those who claim to believe in God, his sovereignty, goodness, and love. While our world lacks clarity about the institution, God’s people should be thinking clearly, sharing the Messiah’s view of marriage.

SERMON MANUSCRIPT

There’s a lot of confusion today about marriage, its importance and significance, its exclusivity and accountability, its permanence and purpose. 

Our culture often treats marriage as something with which to play, like a board game that can be briefly enjoyed and then discarded if broken or replaced if old. It’s treated like something to ignore, like a war monument commemorating something important but treated as archaic and impractical. Or, it’s treated like a pest, an oppressive invention of primitive generations that must be exterminated. 

Our culture is confused about marriage. But the church shouldn’t be. It’s one thing for those who reject or redefine God to reject or redefine marriage, it’s another for those who believe in him and belong to him to do the same. God’s people should be thinking very clearly about marriage, whether married or not, wanting to be married or uninterested, whether we’ve had good experiences or bad. Christians should think about marriage like Christ thinks about marriage. 

And that’s the goal for this morning. As the world around us preaches erroneous messages about it, we’re going to remind ourselves of the Messiah’s view of marriage.

And Jesus provides this for us in the midst of yet another confrontation with Israel’s leaders in Matthew 19.

Two Mistaken Views of Marriage

Before we get to the Messiah’s view of marriage, let’s first notice the two mistaken views of marriage found in this passage. The first mistake we’ll label pharisaic frivolity. 

1. Pharisaic frivolity

The chapter starts with a stark contrast. It’s while Jesus’s serving people (vv. 1–2), demonstrating his compassion and power, that the religious sharks circle (v. 3). And Matthew is explicit in their intention: they came testing him (see also 4:1). They’re malicious, wanting to publicly expose Jesus as a law-breaking, God-hating fraud who cannot be the messiah. And they use divorce as the tool of entrapment (v. 3b).

Jesus has already made his stance on this issue clear (see 5:31–32). Since then, however, John the Baptist had been arrested and executed for confronting Herod on his marriage issues (14:3–4), so maybe the Pharisees are wanting Jesus to incriminate himself and find a similar fate as his forerunner and cousin.

It should also be noted that, at this time, there were two main rabbinical schools of thought on divorce. One taught a husband could divorce for almost any reason, the other that only sexual immorality was legitimate. Both had followers, many of whom were probably in the crowd, meaning Jesus was likely going to offend some no matter his answer.

This question is loaded with treachery not curiosity. And after Jesus responds they come at him again (v. 7). They’re referring to Deuteronomy 24, a text in which Moses, inspired by God, outlines the acceptable process of divorce and remarriage for Israel in a way that accounts for sin while protecting the woman from being mistreated.

But the Pharisees here have taken a God-provided exception and turned it into the expectation. Divorce, while allowed by God, had become as easy as ordering pizza today. Just send her away for any reason at all; Moses commanded it, after all. Jesus points out their frivolity (vv. 8–9).

The Pharisees had taken a God-provided exception, necessitated because of sin, and turned it into the expectation, ignoring the ideal. It was pharisaical frivolity. 

Consider corporate worship the past two years. Because of brokenness in our world, we had to use God-provided ways of connecting that were less-than-ideal. God helped us bridge the gap and endure an exceptional time. But we don’t want the provision to become the norm. That harms us, belittles the God-ordained ideal of being together in person, and insults the one who provided the exception.

The Pharisees, to their own harm, had latched on to the exception God had granted because of sinfulness and frivolously made it the norm. Divorce for any reason at all, no big deal. Translation: marriage is no big deal.

Our culture would get along just fine with the Pharisees on this point. Marriage? No big deal. Ending a marriage? No big deal. No longer satisfied? Try a new one. We love each other and we don’t need marriage to prove it. Frivolity. 

God’s people should think different. We acknowledge that God has graciously provided ways to end a marriage because of sin, but we refuse to be frivolous about something he takes so seriously.

2. Potential idolatry

The second mistake regarding marriage in this passage is near its conclusion. We’ll call it potential idolatry. After listening to the back-and-forth between the Pharisees and Jesus, the disciples have a question (v. 10). 

If marriage is that important and divorce is that serious and to be reserved for very particular circumstances, maybe it’s best to just stay away from it, stay single and celibate. Jesus responds: while that’s an option, it’s not for everyone (vv. 11–12).

Jesus uses eunuchs as the extreme example of singleness and celibacy—men who had been castrated for whatever reason. There are some to whom it has been given the ability to live this way by God, as a gift. We may think of Jesus himself or Paul (see 1 Cor 7:7–9). It’s a gift to remain single but it’s not for everyone. They are the gifted exception, those able to commit themselves fully to the Lord’s work undistracted by marriage.

There’s some potential idolatry in this passage. First, is the idol of self. It’s the mistake of thinking that marriage is all about me, my needs, and my preferences. That was likely part of why the disciples asked the question they did. “You’re telling me, no matter what happens in my marriage apart from certain sin, I can’t just send her away? What if I grow bored? What if attraction fades? Even if we ‘grow apart’ I have to stay married? Seems like a trap to me. Seem suffocating. Maybe it’s better just to not marry, then I don’t have to worry about it.” There’s the idol of self, the mistake of thinking marriage is all about us.

Another potential idol is the idol of marriage. Remember, in this passage Jesus is presenting what marriage ideally looks like, not that the ideal of human existence is marriage. He just said there is great honour in singleness, great productivity, fulfillment, and purpose. Sometimes we can make the mistake of communicating that people are less than whole without a spouse. Not true, according to Jesus.

It’s a mistake to treat marriage with the frivolity of the Pharisees. It’s also a mistake to use it as a target for idolatry, the idol of the self and the idol of marriage itself.

The Messiah’s View of Marriage

Well, how to we avoid these mistakes? Jesus helps us in his response to the Pharisee’s, reminding them and us of what marriage was intended to look like. Let’s remind ourselves of the Messiah’s view of marriage.

1. Original template

First, Jesus reminds and us that God’s revealed ideal in marriage is rooted in its original template (v. 4). Have you not read means that it’s prescriptive and definitive. God created marriage in the beginning and that original forms the template going forward. It has never changed or evolved, no matter now much sin and confusion floods the world. 

Male (singular) and female (singular). Not one man, three women. Not two men. Not one woman and an animal. Not one man and a child. Not one man, one woman, and a tree. As the Pharisees try and test Jesus, revealing their confusion and capitulation, Jesus takes them right back to the original template. Have you not read what God has made clear?

Our world is confused and prideful enough to think we can redefine and recreate that God created. What hubris! But, then again, they don’t know better. We know better. God’s people must hold the line, defending and celebrating the original template.

2. Relational uniqueness

Second, Jesus reminds us that God’s revealed ideal in marriage is rooted in its relational uniqueness (v. 5a–b). In marriage there is a leaving and joining. In marriage that relationship become preeminent. While my parents were once the primary relationship in my life when I married Patricia that changed. They got demoted. I honour and love them, but I’m not joined to them. I’ve left them. There is a uniqueness in the relationship of marriage.

There are many marriages today, outside the church but also inside, where the uniqueness of that relationship is downplayed, ignored, or obscured. Friendships are good. Children are good. But when they replace, challenge, or supplant the marriage relationship, it’s not good. There is a relational uniqueness to marriage that is to be found nowhere else. God’s people need to know that and celebrate that.

3. Physical oneness

Third, Jesus says that God’s revealed ideal in marriage is rooted in its physical oneness (vv. 5c–6a). This obviously is connected to the uniqueness of the relationship. There is a physical intimacy in marriage reserved for that relationship, not before and not supplemented during. And this goes beyond just physical intimacy; there is a joining of two people so much so that they become something together they weren’t apart. They don’t cease being individuals, but together they create something new. This is why divorce, when it happens—and, remember, God made provision for it—is so traumatic. It is a tearing of a physical oneness.

Our culture has cheapened this physical oneness to the level of a mere transaction, a leisure activity, a form of exercise. To quote our Lord in a different context: They know not what they do. But we, as God’s people, we know what we do. We need to honour that physical oneness.

4. Divine ordination

Finally, Jesus reminds us that God’s revealed ideal in marriage is rooted in its divine ordination (v. 6b). God joins man and woman. God brings them together. God applies the divine gorilla glue. God makes them one flesh. God determines the relational uniqueness. Marriage is a divine ordination. Therefore, let no man separate. 

It almost goes without saying. Who do we think we are to play with something God imagined, created, joins, and celebrates?

You see, while the Pharisees try and trap Jesus using the issue of divorce to embarrass and incriminate him, they actually reveal their worldly view of the institution. So, Jesus blows right by their question and lays down a picture of God’s revealed ideal. Not that it will always be seen and celebrated. But it doesn’t change the fact that it is what it is: rooted in the original template, a relationship like no other, characterized by physical oneness, and resting under divine ordination. That’s the ideal. That’s what God said was good.

The temptation to redefine marriage in light of cultural opinions is strong. Same-sex marriages, polyamory, polygamy, no-fault divorce, never fully ‘leaving’ father and mother, casual sexual activity before and during marriage. But not only those things, also the general indifference about marriage, disenchantment, and degradation. 

Think What God Thinks About Marriage!

Whatever your marital status and whatever your experience with marriage, if you are a child of God, you need to ask him to help you think what God thinks about marriage!

This means rejecting the perversions, as subtle or as explicit as they are. Creatures do not have the right to redefine what God has created and ordained. We do not have the right to call something bad that God has called good. The perversions are myriad and while our world celebrates them, God’s people must reject them. We must think what God thinks about marriage.

This means protecting the ideal, what the Messiah described in this text. We teach it to our kids and grandkids, we speak highly of the ideal, we celebrate models of the ideal, we strive for the ideal, we pray for the ideal, we come alongside couples and help them move toward the ideal. Not only do we reject the perversions of marriage, but we protect the ideal God has given, even if it’s hard to find. This is what it means to think what God thinks about marriage.

Finally, this means respecting the exceptions to the ideal. God has provided exceptions because of sin. We dare not shame bothers and sisters who have prayerfully endured or are prayerfully enduring. God has provided exceptions unto service in singleness. Encourage brothers and sisters in those ways. Cheer them on. To think what God thinks about marriage means respecting the exceptions he has provided, not as lesser realities, but instead, as marriage itself is, trophies of Gods’ grace.

 

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